I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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