so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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