So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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