You just made me feel so damn special
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
