This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
