The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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