filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
