I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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