Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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