I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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