I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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