I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
