I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im holly from the hills drunk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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