It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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