The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
