apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ate ashes out of my bong
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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