All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
