i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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