If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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