we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
