i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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