so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
