how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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