Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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