"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
