I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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