i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
