You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
