Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My penis needs a shock collar
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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