I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize