Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
