Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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