it's like iHOP with fire
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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