I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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