you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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