do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
being pregnant is like rehab
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
