Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
