just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
