Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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