He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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