She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
