My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
