Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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