Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A bitchslap is in order.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
