Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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