guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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