These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
