i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
