Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize