Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is wine microwaveable?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You are the jesus of drinking
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
