I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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