His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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