I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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