Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
