it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
