so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
