Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
