He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
