your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
