I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
