Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
