when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
