OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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