so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
