I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
