you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
