and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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